Lighting by Steve Swanson - Summer 2001 Bastard Quarterly

THE BABY SUPERMARKET
subtitled Eeney, Meeny, Miney, Moe
Diane Carlin, 1999

Eeney, Meeny, Miney, Moe
Our baby must have all ten toes.
Ten fingers too, don't forget that,
Or else we'll have to send her back.

She must be healthy, pure and white
A blue eyed blond with skin so light
Otherwise, we'll hesitate
Do you have any others in that crate?

A boy would be nice, but oh, I don't know,
They skin their knees and pick their nose.
A girl is better: sweet, demure
And she should be petite, for sure.

She must be smart but not too much so
If she has her own mind, she'll have to go.
A daughter to adore her father and me.
Follow our guidance and go right to sleep.

We'll selflessly give this baby our name
And forget about her birthmother's shame.
Yes, she'll have a good home, morally sound.
And to us she will be legally bound.

Which one is our baby, ours only by chance?
What...what do you mean we're not fit to be parents?
We have the money, and we're here at the store!!
Some lucky baby is leaving with us out that door!

LIMERICK
Diane Carlin, 2001

There was an adoptee named Tom,
Searched on foot, and by CD-Rom.
He started to date,
She worked for the state,
He’s soon meeting his long lost birthmom!

Diane Carlin was born and raised in the Chicago area and, after twelve years of cheese-eating in northeast Wisconsin, recently moved back to northeast Illinois with her husband of twenty years, Craig. She reunited with her birthmom in 1986 and enjoyed three years of blissful post-reunion honeymoon. After this, the relationship deteriorated due to the usual reasons of misunderstanding and unresolved issues on both sides, and there has been no contact since. She sporadically searches for her birthfather, Richard Spangler, last seen fleeing the state of Iowa in late 1947. Diane has two sons, thirty-three and thirty, and a snotty Welsh terrier, Alec.

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(This feature appeared in the Summer 2001 issue of the Bastard Quarterly.)