The Charles Filius Limerick Contest

By Cyn Bertrand Holub

One of the events of this year's conference was the Charles Filius Limerick Contest. Our beloved Chaz (He hates it when we say that -- it detracts from the curmudgeonly image he tries so hard to maintain.) had an accident several weeks before the conference, and his recounting of it was so hilarious we were inspired to post limericks to the BEST list. Janet Allen was further inspired to turn it into a contest for the conference with herself as judge; she was the epitome of integrity and refused to be swayed by all the bribes she happily accepted. And the winners are:

Honorable mentions:

Chaz claims to have taken a tumble

in circumstance virgin and humble.

The truth is he skated

while auto-fellated,

which explains why the boy tends to mumble.

-- Ron Morgan

There once was a Bastard named Filius.

Of all of us, he was the sillious.

He pitched down a flight

Of stairs, what a fright!

And now he is feeling quite bilious.

-- Cyn Bertrand Holub

GRAND PRIZE:

The deep Primal Wound of our Chaz

Made him act like a bit of a spaz.

He fell down the stairs,

But remains unaware

Of the huge hole inside that he has.

-- Natalie Proctor Servant

(This feature appeared in the Summer 2002 issue of the Bastard Quarterly.)