Imagine the Mystery
by Dr Joyce Maguire Pavao

Imagine the mystery of knowing that you began, like all others,
as a seed and an egg. That you carried genes and stories from two
families-as do all other humans. You grew in a womb and you swam
and listened to sounds that were familiar and sounds that were
soothing and you had senses that developed so that you could feel and
smell and know where you were.

Imagine the mystery of being born- a traumatic event for all humans
You had the familiar smells and sounds to follow you in transition
from the womb to the world ... but wait ... where are they?

Imagine the mystery of being moved and having all things change.

Imagine the mystery of who you might have been. You would have
had a different name, a different life, you would have truly been another.

Imagine the mystery of having your loving adoptive parents take the time
to explain to you about adoption, telling you that you grew in another
mommy's tummy, but that you grew in their hearts.

Imagine the mystery of wondering who that other mommy was? Where
did she go? Why was her heart not there to hold you? Imagine the loss,
the sadness, the mystery of not knowing who you came from?

Imagine wondering ... not all the time, but often ... about who you
are? Who you were? Who you will be? Who you would have been?

Imagine the mystery of having other people hold your story-hold your
narrative. File clerks who don't even care about you, nurses, social work-
ers knowing more about the facts of who you were than you know-
knowing more about the beginnings of your life than you do?

Imagine being a person who loves his/her adoptive family and has a
good, but challenging life and who needs to know about the lost pieces
-who needs to know the beginning of the story in order to feel empow-
ered in the world; in order to feel a part of the world genetically,
as well as environmentally.

Imagine the mystery of having that information kept from you-not
by your parents-but by legislators, attorneys, agencies, kept from you
even though it is your civil right and you are the only American without
access to information about yourself.

Imagine the mystery. Why are you the only American without these
rights? Why have false legal documents been made to disguise your
birth? Your birth is as real as your adoption. Both deserve respect.

Imagine then why an adolescent adoptee feels different, feels less
than, feels a lack of self esteem, hangs out with people of a lower
socioeconomic group and maybe is drawn to people seemingly without
rights and seemingly underprivileged.

Imagine the shame, guilt, and anger and deep sadness of being the only
one in America-in the world-who is not allowed to know his/her own
story?

Imagine the mystery. Imagine.·

Dr. Joyce Maguire Pavao is an adoptee, psychologist, and family therapist. She
is founder and director of the Center for Family Connections in Boston and New
York, ARC (Adoption Resource Center), and PACT (PrelPost Adoption Consult-
ing Team in Cambridge. She has done extensive child welfare training nation-
ally and internationally.

(This article appeared in the Summer 1997 issue of the Bastard Quarterly.)

© 1989 Joyce Maguire Pavao, All Rights Reserved

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