Bastard Nation Presents:

"Your Wildest Dreams, Your Worst Nightmares"
Mock Conference Proposal Contest

Bastard Nation, the preeminent advocate of adult adoptee civil rights, the most outrageous adoption reformers bar none, and the wickedest group of winsomely wooly wiseacres, exhibitionists, and triad wits (no, not twits) north of the Antarctic, is calling for submissions of mock proposals for Presentations and Workshops to be presented at "Bastards on the Boardwalk": the BN Annual Conference, October 8-10, at the Holiday Inn on the Boardwalk, Atlantic City, NJ.

Submissions may be on any adoption-related theme, but those focusing on goring sacred cows, bursting bubbles, popping balloons, or featuring scintillating displays of ripping wit, cunning parody, and/or outrageous excess will be most welcome.

Entries are eligible to win prizes in any of several categories:

• Most Deranging Obfuscatory Language Presented in Earnest
  -Hey, we can psychobabble with the pros!
• Most Delicious Wickedness Without Going Over the Edge
  -If this isn't self-explanatory, you're out of luck
• Best Over the Edge
  -Don't say we didn't warn you
• Best Hallucinatory Fantasy
  -Be effulgent! Be indulgent! Let 'er rip!
• Most Creative Use of Limited Resources
  -How to make the most with the least. Using common everyday utensils, household furnishings or farm animals to political advantage; shoestring productions with string, spit, and a gleam in your eye.
• Most Daring or Grandiose Production
  -The sky's the limit, go there. A cast of thousands. Triumphal marches.
• Most Utterly Baffling
  -So incomprehensible you'd have to show up in order to figure out whether it was a lecture, a therapy session, a ritual exorcism, or a darts game. Or, maybe being there wouldn't help anyway.
• Workshop We'd Most Like to Attend If Only Somebody Had the Nerve to Give It
  -Who would you really like to see participate in a presentation or workshop, and what do you really want to hear them talk about/do?
• Most Astonishing Actual Workshop I Ever Witnessed
  -Names and dates changed to protect the guilty, and keep them guessing
• Most Likely to Be Accepted by an Actual Adoption Conference
  -This category is mutually exclusive with the previous one
• Best Exploration of Adoption Pathology
  -Primal Wound, Adopted Child Syndrome, Attachment Disorder, Trust Issues, Psychic Triage, New Age Therapy Techniques and Transformative Power Tools

Some inspirational themes might be:
"Presentations I Always Wanted to Give, but No One Would Let Me Until Now"
"Help! I'm Trapped at a Conference Full of Zombies from Lobotomia!"
"What the Hell! They Let Some Loonie Give a Talk About That!?"
"We Like Lambchops and We're OK, We Wear Our Kilts and We Dance All Day"

Submissions must be received no later than September 15, 1999.

To submit a mock conference proposal,

• Please fill out the following form and email to
  Kevin McCarty, kmc@best.com
  
• or fax to
  415-704-3166
  
• or postal mail to
  Proposal Contest
  Bay Area Bastards
  454 Las Gallinas
  PBN 199
  San Rafael, CA 94903

Rules for Submission:

1. Your proposal must look just like a real proposal. Verisimilitude counts. Please fill out the required elements as completely as possible. We're serious about this, it's no joking matter. Incomplete submissions will be ignored as utterly unworthy.
2. Nothing is sacred. Everything can be parodied, ridiculed, or substituted. The submitter does not need to be the presenter.
3. Anyone can enter as many times as they want, group submissions are ok too. All entries will have authorship hidden during voting to insure fair results. Anonymous submissions will be accepted.
4. Voting will take place by attendees at the BN Conference in October
5. Votes will be counted and winners will be deemed worthy by the Triadic Triumvirate(*), whose decisions are final. Winners will be announced at the Bastard Poetry Slam and Beatnik Boudoir.
6. Bribes and other forms of undue influence peddling will be tolerated only to the full extent allowed by applicable law. You can get extra points for creativity this way.
7. Please mark your entry if you're going for Most Astonishing Actual Workshop I Ever Witnessed. For this category, attendees will be asked to vote among all entries for those most likely to be ringers. You win if your entry receives the fewest votes.
8. Winning entries that are fit for public consumption without violating Federal or state laws will be published on the Bastard Nation web site after the Conference.
9. Brainstorming on BEST is fine, but please don't post your final entries to the Net prior to the contest itself, because someone else is sure to outdo you if you do.

(*) Conceived and executed by the infamous Gang of Three, the Adoption Tripod: Kevin McCarty, Damsel Plum, Mary Anne Cohen.

        Workshop/Presentation proposal for the Bastard Nation
                Annual Convergence Shadow Conference,
       featuring The Moonlight All-Triad Volleyball Tournament,
                Clam Bake and Beach Bastard Bonfire

           Holiday Inn on the Boardwalk, Atlantic City, NJ


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