Vicious Attack On Oregano Records

Smokem, Oregano: August 31, 1999

Smokem, Oregano residents awoke last night to witness one of the most devastating events ever to strike this quiet city: massive flooding, sudden freezing temperatures, and arson, on an unheard of scale. Early reports indicate that the center of the event was the Oregano Central Book Suppository, at Dealey Plaza. Investigators confirmed that arson is suspected, but were unable to account for the massive flooding and sub-freezing temperatures which accompanied the fire.

By dawn, the Suppository and the city's core were obscured by heavy smoke while awash in water and rumor, as proponents of the Full Cup Measure blamed the tragedy on The Seven Suemigai, vocal opponents of a popular measure approved by the electorate last November, which would make original recipes available to all persons over 21 years of age, regardless of the circumstances of their creation or storage. A spokesperson for Mustard Nation, who vowed to remain nameless until such time as her original recipe was made available to her, said "these particular means of destroying original recipes have long been the preferred method of assuring that this information can never be revealed." National intelligence sources confirmed that recipe storage facilities of all types have been destroyed by fire and flood far more often than insurance company actuarial data would predict, including those maintained by hospitals, agencies and state and local government departments charged with maintaining such records.

Attorneys for The Seven Suemigai denied any involvement on the part of their clients or any known supporters, saying only that the event "is a sign that God will keep holy the covenants made by man, though man himself should fail to do so." The Seven Suemigai are the plaintiffs in a civil suit intended to block release of original recipes pursuant to the Full Cup Measure, contending that they were promised that these recipes would never be released. Although that suit was resolved against the Suemigai earlier this year, the matter is on appeal. The appellate court has stayed implementation of the Measure for 90 days while it examines the merits of the case.

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